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Are you the one who feels that some parents are neglected or been tagged as home alone parents?. Now there, you are not alone. Many including myself have been feeling the same in many circumstances and mostly at the time when they are sick and they need us. Now, I have to tell you that this post is not only true for those young ones who are living life abroad but sounds true for all who feels so even in their own land. Not all young ones/couples stay relaxed in foreign land leaving their loved ones back at home far away. How many children have neglected to care their elderly parents when in need due to their presence far-away from home?. And should I specify those married women who wills but could not take care of their parents at their old age due to the rules in new family circumstances existing still in India?

Money has always been the essential and basic need in everyone's life to live in this materialistic world. Every contests, sweepstakes, bills, discounts and even the basic needs of your life (food , water, shelter) revolves around money. Without money, you are sure to be under the dark spell of electricity cut, dirty water, no phone calls, spread newspaper cuts of cheap rented homes and even going to sleep with an empty stomach. Such is the value for money. The same money is what makes young men and couples in India to run abroad leaving behind their loved parents at home creating a mystery net of misunderstood and mismanaged relationships.



The only definition of success is happiness. If you're not happy, you're not successful

Misunderstood Relationships :
I have seen many parents tend to lack care and affection in their old age. They need no money of yours but only your presence. But parents as always live up to their name. They balance life giving more freedom to their kids in choosing their kind of life they want to lead. And in today's scenario, more and more young married couples settle aboard for good. I can't deny the quality of life and money that is been received in foreign countries. You buy a plot in India, your kids study at quality schools and your life improves. Your life circle is smooth and easy. But, there are some neglected ones. The ones who were the reason for this type of life. They were the ones who raised you on this earth sacrificing the whole life for upbringing you to this position of who you are now. But, they are left behind after you found a new life whomever you are in regard of  man or woman. Although the truth being is that they love their parents but family circumstances restricts them to do what the parents really need. Love, affection and their children's presence .

But, the catch is here. Not all is happy back at home. Why? Because of unhappy wives. I have met many young Indian women's both from North and South especially from a joint  family who prefer this type of nuclear foreign life style which is a kind of escape from home and home related problems. The wife prefer this lifestyle because back at home in India, these young women's (wives) are the most neglected ones. And surprisingly apart from financial needs, many men too seem to care less and tend to settle away from home escaping bad clashes between his parents and his wife. Who should we blame here? 

And where is the key? A man's attitude towards his loved ones is the only hold for this situation. Family for Men is like a Physical Balance. With wife on one side and with his parents on the other, he should be able to balance them both. He should make the wife understand that he cares for both his family/her family and excepts the same from her. And when there is unrest or argument in his family, it is better that he remains silent than to take sides. Because taking sides will only lead to losing trust either from his parents or wife and ultimately lead to his depression. 

Now having crossed half the bridge, you might have noticed the cycle of chain revolving around money and problem-less foreign life but somewhere a link is broken under the name of neglected old age parents of both men and woman which creates an imbalance to a happy satisfied married life for both the couples.

The bloom in Internet leading to an incessant use of webcam/chats are the only source that act as bridge connecting the broken link of love /affection between family and friends. Most of all, they serve to act as panacea to the lonely hearts back at home. A sad truth!

If there is to be a change, then we have to reprogram  the Human mind to work for regenerating the chain of a happy family.
Only a Happy Home could create a Happy society -> Happy Country ->  Happy World .

There is no pointing fingers at anyone. Because this is what we have been taught and learned in the process of evolution as a human being which finally has brought us into an unrest with unhappy home and unhappy family. We need to change everything that has brought our heart to decay. If you want to change the way you live, then change it. If you want to recreate a new life, then create it.

There is STILL TIME to bring about this change at least for your future generations...
  • Time to Change the attitude of Men of demeaning woman as weaker sex and making them to feel the odd one out in his family. Don't treat her like a servant making her do all the works for your family without any time for herself. If she feels among the one in your family which should be seeded, developed and cultivated by the husband's approach of her in his family, then there is no need for neglected parents or wives. 
  • Time to Change the attitude of woman to safeguard the links between both her birth-place relationship and new found relationships. She has to take care of her family on both sides in regard of their health, wealth and love. She should know that aged people both of hers and her husbands are more prone to health issues both physically and mentally and so there are times where careful approach is needed when handling sensitive issues. Patience is her only support. 
  • Time to Change the egoistic attitude of both genders and being flexible to each other needs . 
  • Time to Change for the human world to know that value of love is far precious than value of money. 
  • Time to Change and Reprogram the Human Mind to see that each one of them is a part of another human being. A piece of a large puzzle. A connecting link that knows the weight of Love. 
  • And finally this is the time to accept that both the genders husband and wife have their duty and responsibility to take care of their parents when in need especially in their old age. And you do it and help your spouse to do it as well.
The Love that you Withhold  is the Pain That You Carry For Lifetime
Note : This article is personally a reflection of my own thoughts and not targeted at anyone.

21 comments:

  1. thoughtful post-good luck.

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  2. A great topic and u wrote it well. Congrats.

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    1. Dear Uma

      Just got introduced to your blog today! Regarding parents' situation back home - its well written yet there appears to be no tangible solution. Relocating back to India is not a solution as kids are growing. Maya of west too is very strong. Meanwhile time passes and only video chats and facetiming continues but situation remains. What do you think of retirement homes? Any other ideas? Would appreciate them. Regards

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    2. @anonymous Sadly I don't agree with retirement homes. In case, if you want some one to nurse them when you are not around, why not hire someone who you can rely on and give your parents support and freedom making them live in their own home in which they have spent most of their years.

      Also,if possible why can't a child (a grown up son/daughter) take their parents with them giving some space in their own home overseas. I have heard both working parents rely on crush/child care centers overseas. A close relation (here parents of son/daughter) staying with them is far more best solutions esp. coming to the kids.

      One thing that hinders this latter option is whether to bring your parents or your spouse parents overseas. Unless the couples make sure that they don't hurt each other sentiments by an open heart talk, the case of neglected parents cannot be minimized. After all this case is depend ONLY on the son/daughter and it is only them who can provide a perfect solution to this problem.

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  3. good effort! :) nice topic!

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  4. nice 1 !! all the best!

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  5. A very insightful post. I especially liked the cycle of relationship chain concept.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your valuable comment and lets be a part of this change :D

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  6. Nicely written
    Well done yaar..all the best.
    Also Check out mine.Give your comment on it.
    Are Hijra's(TransGender) not a Human being.?

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  7. The solution to this is to kick the kids out of home when they are 18 and parents save for yourself. All my older neighbors have done the same in USA, and they both are living so happily. Even the kids are very happy on their own, they learn to earn in early age. This is the only way everyone can be HAPPY

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    1. In that case, my point lays still useless.Kicking kids and being alone is safe protection from issues/problems but not the solution for the problem. What I meant is that they need their children support at this age.

      Most Indian families either support only one side of the aged parents but rarely both or sometimes none.

      Where is the source that teaches us that both couple's parents needs lots of communication and help only at this old age?.And what happens to the rules that still deny it or escape it? Are we left at peace ? I think no

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  8. I am in this situation where i am not even able to talk to my parents from home with out being bothered in my other ear by my wife for every single
    word i speak to my parents. Even though i made a million$ in US and have a nice home and life style here, i cant event talk to my parents or for that matter even with friends. All this
    while my wife talk to her parents atleast 2 hours and upto 3-4 hours every day.

    If i am not at desk in office that is thought as i am sleeping with "someone". Just for cyber safety if i blackout my laptop camera, i have to answer why,and with whom i am doing cybersex.
    When i start form office, minutes and seconds will be counted until i reach home, and at least 3-4 calls in 20 min, to make sure i am not talking to anyoone. calling on my mobile and saying its saying busy, and asking whom i am talking even though the phone is free.
    Cant live in this kind of suspecting partner.I have seen this kind of suspecting Men, but first time i am seeing this kind of women. Is this the same women i met when she is in disparate situation when her boyfriend "used her" and deserted? Cant believe

    Cant listen to music i like without comments. Feel to cry out sometimes, but no space and place for that too, cause i have to respond to the questions on what i am doing when i am in restroom.
    Now i understand the pain of being lonely.

    I am the kind of person dont want to have friction in my life, and all i do in my life is directed towards this. I am form a financially very lower middle class family, but very good human values.
    Now i have more than a million dollars money and very decent life style, but no happiness. my patience reached saturation point. Seriously nearing a big confrontation to decide the future. Cant live lonely
    life like this. Very soon, i am either heading for a disaster, or bringing back happiness in my life.

    This proves giving equal value to women may not always bring happiness, and makes me think those who keep their wife under their grip are right. ( with due respect to al those nice women out there)
    Just want to disappear and get drunk and cry out the whole night. but no way for that too. Sick of this life. Lets see whether i can cross this hurdle in my life or get crushed in this.

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    1. First of all, sorry for my late reply. It is really saddening to read your situation and my post above cannot suit to this women whom you are referring to. Any marriage depends on trust ( be it 100% or half of it) and never on suspicion. I truly believe that your marriage needs some genuine counselling.

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  9. Very well written....exactly what i wanted to write....would like to copy and paste as a note on my fb wall...let me know if i can..

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for dropping by. Yes you can share it on your FB wall but please do add credits to this website linking it back to this blog post,

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete

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